FAIL FAIL #1B: The ReFAILening

Hey, kids! Remember FAIL FAIL #1 on this blog?

It’s a joke, son, a joke. And it’s an old one.

Well, the clever folks at FAIL Blog liked it so much they ran it again today!

New FAIL Blog motto: We’re not just slow, we’re also redundant. And we repeat things!

GeograFAIL: It’s college football time!

BowlBus provides charter bus service from various cities to college football games. But you may want to double-check that the driver knows where he’s going.

(Admittedly, last year’s Penn State @ Indiana game was played in Washington, DC, so maybe their planners just gave up after that.)

Recent News FAIL

Seen on Yahoo! Sports MLB:

FAIL FAIL #8

In which the FAIL Blog fails to recognize a Clerks reference.

The miseducation of American pallets

The Johnstown Galleria's Tonic Grille, when not calling young professionals the B-word, has an interesting suggestion:

I concur. Education of this overlooked demographic is a major problem facing America.

I’m not sure that constitutes a “material financial impact”

Maximum PC, on Intel’s Sandy Bridge recall:

(The article was later corrected to $700 million.)

App spelling FAIL

There’s an iOS app called Better Thinking Better Living by Creative Brains. Here’s a screenshot of its title screen, from the iTunes App Store:

FAIL FAIL #7: Classic FAIL!

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to realize that the subject of their derision is in on the joke. This is the seventh in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs. This is the first installment to examine a so-called "Classic" FAIL!

Look, I’ll be the first to make fun of Paula Deen when she deserves it, but this is clearly a double entendre. Do you really think that she and her minions came up with a dry spice rub for pork, and somebody came up with “Butt Massage” without giggling?

Newsflash for my friends at FAIL Blog: You know that sports bar, Hooters? The name doesn’t just refer to owls! Srsly! “Hooters” is another word for boobies!

FAIL FAIL #6

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to understand the thing they’re making fun of. This is the sixth in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs.

The commenters on the site did a good job of explaining this one. There are different parties who need access to the site. It could be forest rangers, emergency responders, utility companies, landowners, landscapers, lessees, etc. Each of them provides and maintains their own lock and key, and they don’t have to coordinate key exchanges with the other parties. I’ve seen setups like this on Palomar Mountain, albeit with somewhat fewer locks.

Even the caption gets it wrong:

Can you hold on for a fortnight? I need to find the right keys.

Well, no, the locks are “wired in series” and you only need one key. That’s the whole point.

And the “Stingy” goes to…

Nemacolin Woodlands Resort, for the worst Cyber Monday offer of 2010.

William Gay for Pittsburgh City Council!

The appointment of Cathleen Black as New York City school chancellor heralds a new era of offensive-sounding headlines. It takes me back to the halcyon days of Los Angeles politician Laura Chick.

FAIL FAIL #5

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to realize that the subject of their derision is in on the joke. This is the fifth in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs.

This is from a book. A joke book, called Safe Baby Handling Tips. Nobody actually thinks that you will wake up your baby with an air horn.

FAIL FAIL #4

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to understand the subject of their derision. This is the fourth in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs.

The 1890s were called the “Gay Nineties.” There’s no FAIL in calling them that. Mocking the name just because it contains the word “gay” is a FAIL of Microsoftian proportions.

On the other hand, dressing like this and calling it “Gay Nineties” would be an EPIC WIN.

FAIL FAIL #3

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to realize that they’re mocking an intentional joke. This is the third in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs.

The “attached hose” is what makes it funny, guys. The costume is even named “The Fire Extinguisher.”

FAIL FAIL #2: Two wrongs don’t make a right

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to understand the topic being mocked. This is the second in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs.

“Per” in a prescription means “by” or “through” (cf. Per aspera ad astra). It does not mean “for each.”

FAIL FAIL #1

I love the FAIL Blog. But sometimes they FAIL to realize that whoever they’re making fun of is in on the joke. This is the first in an investigative series exploring FAIL Blog FAILs.

It’s a joke, son, a joke. And it’s an old one.

Fedex Ground + Direct Signature Required = FAIL

I recently ordered a Virgin Mobile MiFi 2200 (which I'll write about if and when I receive it).  Unfortunately, Virgin Mobile shipped this device by FedEx Ground, with "Direct Signature Required."  This is a great strategy, provided your customers are all unemployed pot smokers who never leave the house.

"Direct Signature Required" means that somebody must be present at the delivery address to sign for the package.  For FedEx Express services, this is only moderately annoying, because after they miss you once, you can go pick up the package in the evening at the FedEx Express location, which is probably not too far away.  FedEx Ground, however, is a completely different system, whose facilities are few and far between, and which do not have convenient hours.

Since the Spousal Unit and I are gainfully employed, there wasn't anyone home today when FedEx Ground tried to deliver the package, nor will there be anyone home the next two days.  I called FedEx to discuss my options, and my option was this:  They can "add a note" requesting that the package be held at the FedEx Ground facility in Hunker, PA, 90 minutes' drive from my home.  I can pick up the package either between 8:00 and 10:00 am, or between 4:00 and 6:00 pm.

Virgin Mobile:  It is not reasonable to make your customers deal with this crap.  FedEx:  You need to find a way to better integrate your craptacular Ground service with the rest of your system.  I should be able to easily divert Ground Direct Signature packages to a FedEx Express facility or a Kinko's store.

UPDATE (the next day): Despite my request to hold the package at the Hunker facility, FedEx Ground attempted re-delivery today.  I'm getting up early tomorrow to go to the facility between 8:00 and 10:00 am, so I called to reiterate my request.  The CSR I spoke to did not see any record of the request I made last night, and entered a new one.  I asked how I could be sure that the package would be there tomorrow morning.  She instructed me to call at 8:00 to verify that it is on hold.  I explained that in order to drive 90 minutes to Hunker to be there during their morning window, and then arrive on time to an appointment in Pittsburgh, I had to leave home well before 8:00.  She apologized repeatedly.  I asked if the apology was all that would happen for the screw-up, or if further action would be taken to identify and correct problems in FedEx's processes.  She asked if I wanted to open a complaint, and I said yes.  She noted my name and phone number and said someone would call me.

For the exciting conclusion, see Virgin Mobile MiFi 2200: A “review”.