Saturday, September 24, 2011

Bleg: Mummification and curses

Suppose, that when our pets perish, the Spousal Unit and I wish them to continue in an eternal journey. We are fortunate to live in an era when mummification is (again) readily available for our animals.

Obviously, our home of wood-and-drywall is an inappropriate eternal resting place for them. It is likely to be sold, and if it isn’t, its impermanence will expose their mummified remains to the elements. Instead, we should go with a more traditional tomb to shelter them on their eternal journey. We therefore have the beginnings of a plan:

  1. Mummify the remains of the deceased pet(s)
  2. Rent a room at the Luxor Las Vegas, for (approximately) one night
  3. Place the mummified remains in the room, in addition to provisions for the eternal journey (Mummy Chow, etc.)
  4. ?????
  5. Our pet(s) enjoy their eternal journey, without disturbance to their mummified remains

The missing step is #4. Our limited means will not allow us to rent a room at the Luxor in perpetuity. Instead, once we have access to the room for a night (or a few nights), we wish to place a curse on the room, which will prevent any subsequent disturbance to the room or its contents (e.g. by housekeeping or security staff).

What is the procedure for instituting the curse? Are there traditional priests in Egypt who can provide this service? Must they travel to Las Vegas, or can they telework? Could we, perhaps, embed the “Do Not Disturb” sign with magical powers? Our Dobermen Pinscher has a talent in life for producing noxious fumes. Can this ability be leveraged to protect the burial suite?

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